A Very Kisshu Christmas
by Ember Ardent Flame
Summary: This story is about Kisshu just being himself on the night before Christmas. Unfortunately, Kisshu being himself results in Santa losing his spirit. When Santa's elf helper demands that Kisshu help deliver the rest of the presents, it's Kisshu Claus to the rescue! Will he succeed? If he does, he gets a reward. However, this perverted alien is pretty much Santa's polar opposite.
1. The Birth of Kisshu Claus

**Author: I'm having a block on my Halloween fanfic, as the season has already passed. So, I've started this Christmas special for all of you wonderful readers. Enjoy!**

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It was a little after midnight on December twenty-fifth. Kisshu hovered outside of Ichigo's window, watching her sleep. It was something that he could never tire of doing. Surrounded by the silence of the night, he sighed contentedly. He listened to the soft sound of her breathing, his sharp ears able to hear it through the glass of her window. He listened to the soft sound of the wind as it blew about the snow. He listened to the absence of sound. It reminded him of his home planet where everyone huddled underground to avoid the freezing weather. He closed his eyes and remembered. He hoped that everyone was okay. He hoped that they would survive while he was here. As he remembered, he felt like himself again. This mission kept changing him. He wasn't who he used to be. But at that moment, it felt like he was.

His serenity was interrupted by the racket made by something he had heard the humans call "jingle bells". His golden eyes snapped open in anger as he searched for the source of the sound. It was coming from somewhere above him, which seemed strange. Humans couldn't fly. They shouldn't be able to ring their stupid little bells in places that were above his head. As he searched, another sound echoed across the sky. This was the noise of merry laughter. "Ho ho ho!"

Kisshu grit his teeth and scowled. "Don't mock me!" he snapped.

The sound came again. "Ho ho ho!" It seemed to be coming from the same place as the jingle bells. Frowning, Kisshu rose upward and followed the noise. It led him to a rooftop a few blocks from Ichigo's house.

The bell sound had come from the harnesses of some strange creatures with antlers. Kisshu had no idea what they were called, but they looked like they might make pretty good Chimera Animas.

The laughter had come from a human. He was a very strange human, sitting in a vehicle that seemed like it was pulled by the antlered animals. The human was very fat, and quite old. He had red cheeks and a thick, white beard. He wore an outfit of red velvet trimmed in white fur. "Ho ho ho!" he chuckled gleefully. "Ho ho ho!"

Kisshu teleported directly in front of the old man and startled him. "I'll teach you to laugh at me," Kisshu said sinisterly. The alien held out his hand and generated a pulse of vacuum energy, stealing the old geezer's spirit. Kisshu smirked and looked at the white crystal in his hand. His eyes widened upon realizing something. "This is a very pure spirit. It would create the perfect Chimera Anima!" Kisshu smiled joyfully.

A motion from the back of the strange vehicle caught his eye. There was a sack stuffed full of colorfully wrapped packages. The movement had come from this sack. The sack continued to wiggle until something that slightly resembled Kisshu's own race poked his head out. The creature had skin that was about the same color as a human's; it was slightly paler than a human, but not as pale as Kisshu. His eyes looked human, as the pupils were round instead of slit. But this thing, whatever it was, had pointed ears just like Kisshu did.

The creature was wearing a green hat and holding a rather large package and looked toward the unconscious old guy. "Hey, Santa, I found the-" The elf dropped his package and stared at his boss in disbelief. "Wh- What happened? Santa! Are you okay? Santa!" The elf shook the old man and was extremely panicked to find him unresponsive. It was then that he noticed Kisshu.

"You!" the elf pointed a finger at the green-haired alien. "What did you do to Santa?"

Kisshu raised a single eyebrow as he slid the spirit into his pocket. "I only took something from him."

"That doesn't explain why he's unconscious…" the elf muttered, rubbing his chin. "Wait! You're a gift thief, aren't you? You knocked him unconscious so that you could steal all of the presents. Well, nothing doing, Buster! I won't let you get away with it."

"What's a present?" Kisshu asked.

The elf's face drained of all color. "You can't be serious."

Kisshu gave the elf a look of confusion.

"A present is…" the elf was at a loss to explain. He picked up one of the wrapped boxes and tossed it in Kisshu's direction. "A present is this. It's something that someone really wants that they get to have without paying for it."

"Ah, I see," Kisshu nodded. He sat the gift box down on the rooftop before glancing into the sack. "It seems like you have quite a lot of them."

"Of course we do!" the elf snapped. "It's his…" he gestured to the man in the red suit, "… job to deliver presents all over the world tonight. Tokyo was our last stop in Asia, and now thanks to _you_," the elf glared at Kisshu, "we won't be able to deliver to Australia or Europe or North and South America. Thank goodness that we start with Africa, or else the people there would have no gifts either."

Kisshu shrugged. "Not my problem," he turned away, preparing to fly off of the rooftop. He was stopped by a tugging on his clothing, and he turned back around. The elf had leapt out of the sack and was pulling on one of the ribbons that hung from Kisshu's pants. Kisshu cackled at what he saw. "You're shorter than Taruto!" he laughed.

The elf frowned and growled a bit. "It _is _your problem! If you don't fix this, you go on the naughty list permanently!"

Kisshu looked confused. "What's the naughty list?"

The elf huffed in frustration. "It's the list of all of the people who don't get presents."

"And why would that bother me?" Kisshu asked nonchalantly. He pried the elf's fingers from his garment and began to take off again.

The elf was getting desperate. He really needed this guy's help. An elf couldn't deliver presents all by himself! "Wait!" the elf called. "Please, help me! If you do, when we're finished, I'll give you anything you want."

Kisshu paused and turned around again. He cut his golden eyes at elf, and the elf gulped at the lust that he saw there. "Anything?" Kisshu asked.

The elf was scared, but he nodded. "Anything," he confirmed.

Kisshu grinned at the thought of Ichigo wrapped up in one of those pretty present ribbons and not much else. He envisioned his own hands untying the bow and blushed with excitement. "Okay! I'll help," he readily agreed. "What do I have to do?"

The elf sighed in relief. "You have to drive the sleigh. The reindeer will stop at every house that contains someone on the nice list. I will hand you certain gifts, and you have to put them under the tree that will be somewhere inside the house. Basically, you'll have to fill in for Santa until he regains consciousness."

"That doesn't sound hard," Kisshu mused aloud.

"Oh! You also have to drink the milk and eat the cookies that will be left out. And above all, make sure that no one sees you!"

"No problem," Kisshu waved away the elf's worries. The alien wondered what cookies were, but decided not to ask.

"Alright," the elf hopped back into the sack of presents. "Get in, and let's go."

Kisshu climbed into the driver's seat of the sleigh. "How do I drive this?" he asked.

"Don't worry. The reindeers' magic puts them on autopilot. All you have to do is slap the reigns when you're ready to take off," the elf replied. He added something, as though he had just thought of it. "Oh! Try being jolly."

"Jolly?" Kisshu asked.

"Yeah," the elf explained. "Be happy. Smile, laugh a lot, and stuff like that."

Be happy? That didn't take much. All Kisshu had to do was think of his reward. He slapped the reigns and the sleigh took off. Maniacal laughter filled the sky.


	2. Finishing Tokyo's Deliveries

The reindeer sleigh landed on the very next roof. "I think the animals are broken," Kisshu muttered.

The elf brought four packages out of the sack. "These go to this house," the elf handed Kisshu the boxes. "Now, you need to go down the chim…" the elf stared at the spot where Kisshu had been standing. It was empty. There was no one there. "…ney?"

Kisshu teleported into the house. "Tree… Tree," he muttered to himself. Hey spied something in the corner, by the front door. "Aha! Tree," he grinned. He rushed over to the potted plant and sat the boxes around the basket that the plastic tree sat in. "Now, I have to find milk and cookies." Kisshu searched and searched. Finally, he located a small table with a glass of milk and some sort of baked good on it. The small table stood next to a very large, ornately decorated evergreen tree. "Well," Kisshu muttered, "you'd think that this was the tree that I had to put things under." He peeked under the boughs and shook his head at the boxes and bags beneath. "Nope. Someone else already did this tree." He picked up the glass of milk and downed it in a single gulp. Then, he picked up a cookie. He bit into it and chewed. A horrible, salty flavor spread through his mouth. He spat the cookie out onto the floor and proceeded to wipe his tongue with his hands. "That's gross!" he exclaimed. He teleported out of the house and back into the sleigh, never noticing the note that lay on the table next to the cookies.

The note read: _Dear Santa, I'm sorry if these cookies don't taste very good. Yuki really wanted to make them herself this year. I'm afraid that she mixed up the salt and the sugar. Please forgive me! I promise that I won't let my little sister anywhere near the cookies next year. – Yuu_

"So, how did it go?" the elf asked the alien.

"Cookies taste horrible," Kisshu replied.

The elf looked surprised. "You don't like them? But everybody likes cookies!"

Kisshu groaned. "I can't imagine why."

"Huh…" the elf muttered to himself. Then, he added, "Oh, since we're going to be working together this evening, I should know your name. I'm Jingle."

Kisshu nodded. "I'm Kisshu."

"It's a pleasure to work with you, Kisshu. And no matter what you think of cookies, you have to eat them."

Kisshu groaned and slapped the reigns again. The sleigh took off into the sky.

The next house had six packages, and one of them was rather large. Kisshu teleported inside and stuck all of the gifts under the correct tree this time. "There," he nodded. "I don't care if someone else put presents here first. I'm putting these here too." Then, Kisshu hesitantly reached toward the plate of cookies. Holding one of the sweets, he took a bite, and then smiled. "These cookies are much better than the ones at the other place!" He swallowed the milk and then disappeared.

The next house had only three packages. Kisshu teleported into the living room and heard a growl. He turned to see an angry dog snarling at him. Kisshu shrugged and spawned a parasite, tossing it toward the dog. It hit its target, and the dog was transformed into a rather large Chimera Anima. "Stay," Kisshu told it. The Chimera Anima obeyed his master and wagged his tail happily.

Kisshu sat the boxes under the Christmas tree and found the milk and cookies on the counter in the kitchen. Next to the plate of cookies was a pile of carrots. There was a note next to them. "For the reindeer," it read. Kisshu shrugged and scooped up the carrots. He fed them to the Chimera Anima before eating the cookies himself. He gulped down the milk and teleported onto the rooftop.

"I feel like I forgot something," he mumbled. Inside the house, the Chimera Anima curled up on the couch and went to sleep.

The next few houses, surprisingly, went by without a hitch. Then, Kisshu arrived at a house that had ten boxes to deliver. He placed them all under the tree, but he noticed the sound coming from one of the boxes as he sat it down. He picked this box up again and shook it, listening to the sound. He grinned wickedly. This would come in handy. He quickly ripped off the name tag and replaced it with one that read, "To: Ichigo, From: Kisshu Claus." This place had so many boxes. Surely they wouldn't miss one.

Smiling, he appeared back on the roof. "Jingle, this one doesn't go here," Kisshu told the elf as he handed the present back.

Jingle read the name of the person that the gift was for, and blushed a bit. "Oh. Oops. I should have brought along my cousin Yule. I always have had trouble reading Japanese…" The elf put the gift back into the sack.

The next house was Ichigo's house. Kisshu grinned delightedly as he entered her home and put his special present under her tree. There were three other gifts too. Then, he strolled into her kitchen and found that there weren't any cookies anywhere. He was disappointed. He had wanted to taste Ichigo's cookies.

Several more houses went by. Soon, Kisshu arrived at a home with a horribly sloped pagoda roof. "I hate this house," Jingle muttered. "The roof is impossible to land on, and the inhabitants are impossible to deal with! Six kids living in a house by themselves… The oldest always stays up and watches for Santa. She's a very resourceful young girl. I've had to distract her for the past four years so that she didn't see Santa delivering the presents."

"Oh yeah?" Kisshu inquired, seeming to perk up at the sound of something difficult. He had been bored for the past several houses. He was looking forward to a challenge. "What's her name?"

"Pudding," Jingle growled.

Kisshu grinned. "Heh. I know her. She is very annoying."

Jingle smiled. "You know, I might like you better than Santa. He always says to 'love every little boy and girl no matter how troublesome he or she may be. Kids are kids. They can't be perfect.' I'm happy that someone finally sees things _my_ way."

Kisshu nodded. "Don't worry, Jingle. I've got this. You just stay here and relax. I'll handle Pudding."

The sleigh landed in the back yard, which was thankfully surrounded by a high wall. Kisshu grabbed the six packages and teleported.

* * *

Pudding sat on the couch, all of her traps armed and ready. "The chimney is well protected, na-no-da!" she smiled. "As soon as Santa comes down, I will catch him and take pictures and sell them to the tabloids. Then I'll be rich, na-no-da!" She laughed in the pleasure of the thought.

She was surprised when Santa didn't come down the chimney at all. He appeared right next to the tree and started putting boxes beneath it. Santa wasn't fat; he was skinny. Santa's skin wasn't a jolly, glowing red; it was a sickly, shining pale. Santa's hair wasn't white; it was green. Santa wasn't Santa; he was Kisshu!

"Kisshu onii-chan!" Pudding declared in alarm, standing up on the couch and pointing an accusing finger at the alien. "What are you doing in my house na-no-da?"

"Hm?" Kisshu turned around. "Oh, Mew Mew girl. What was your name again… Jell-O?"

"I'm Pudding, na-no-da!" she screeched in disdain. "Now, I will only ask you one more time. Why are you in my house?"

Kisshu pretended to be annoyed and crossed his arms over his chest, tapping his foot. He raised one of his arms and stroked his chin with his pale, bony fingers. "Let's see… After I killed Santa, Jingle made me help so-"

"YOU KILLED SANTA?" Pudding cried in alarm. She looked like a little girl who had just… well, who had just found out that Santa didn't exist.

Kisshu nodded. "Well, I have other presents to deliver. Ja nei!" He began to teleport away, but stopped to add, "Oh, and Merry Christmas!"

Pudding sat deflatedly onto the couch, a devastated expression on her face. "Santa Claus… is dead." The blonde girl began to bawl, and her shoulders began to shake.

* * *

Kisshu smirked as he reappeared in the sleigh. Jingle looked up at him. "Don't worry," Kisshu assured him. "She will never stay up for Santa again."


	3. Around the World in 80 Minutes

Santa still lay unconscious on the sleigh floor. Kisshu was driving the sleigh. It flew out over the ocean. "Australia, here we come!" shouted Jingle gleefully. In front of the reindeer, a magical portal began to open, sparkling with purple and blue swirls.

"What the heck?" Kisshu mumbled as the reindeer and sleigh were sucked inside.

When reindeer, sleigh, alien and elf were spat out on the other side of the portal, Jingle threw his arms into the air. "Welcome to Australia! I love it the Southern Hemisphere this time of year. It's warm; it's not cold. And thank goodness, there is no snow! Do you know how annoying it is to live with snow all year 'round? The only reason I took this sleigh job was so that I could see places like this. Ah. Not a speck of white anywhere. And my friends back at the North Pole wanted me to stay in toy-making. Ha!" When Kisshu looked less than thrilled, Jingle gently slapped him on the arm. "Now laugh, Kisshu Claus. It's Christmas!"

"Ho ho ho," Kisshu mumbled half-heartedly.

"Do you want your reward or not? Do it right!" Jingle commanded.

Kisshu pictured Ichigo with his special present. He smirked, and then laughed louder than he had in Japan.

"That's right. Good job," Jingle commented with a nod.

They were in Australia. At his first house, Kisshu teleported in and frightened a naughty cat (which, prior to his arrival, had been playing with the ornaments) up the Christmas tree. "Here koneko-chan," Kisshu cooed, trying to coax the animal down. The feline merely hissed at him.

Inside of an apartment complex, Kisshu had just finished eating the cookies in one particular apartment. He began to drink the milk, and then spat it all over the floor. Apparently, the tenant of that place had not realized that his milk had gone bad.

At one point, flying over the Australian desert, Kisshu purposefully flew the sleigh in low in order to frighten a herd of kangaroos. He laughed as the marsupials leapt to their feet and began to hop away. "Look at them all bouncing around like that. It's hilarious!"

After Australia came South America. The runners of the sleigh accidentally knocked one of the crosses off of the top of the church in the plaza of Cusco, Peru. In Bolivia, Kisshu's laughter ended up causing a landslide that wiped out an entire mountain pueblo. In Brazil, he was attacked by a Chihuahua and bitten in a very uncomfortable place. So, as revenge against the animal, he skewered the dog onto one of his sai. And, if you think that was gruesome, it's probably best that I don't tell you what happened with the monkeys in Venezuela.

The next continent was North America. Mexico went by rather smoothly. However, something worth mentioning happened in the United States.

Kisshu had just teleported inside his one-millionth-eighty-five-thousandth-two-hundredth-and-second American residence. He heard a squeal. Suddenly, a preteen girl launched herself from behind the couch and glomped the green-haired alien. "Oh my gosh! My very own vampire boyfriend! It's exactly what I wanted!" The girl then stared up at the ceiling and dramatically whispered, "Thank you, Santa."

Kisshu raised an eyebrow at the girl before jerking his arm and flinging her onto the floor. "What the heck do you think you're doing? Get off of me!" He shook his head and teleported away. The only girl who interested him was Ichigo. And what the heck was a 'vampire' anyway?

In Canada, a senile old hunter mistook the reindeer for a herd of moose and began to shoot at them with his rifle. Kisshu teleported beside him and took that old man's spirit too. He pocketed the red crystal before reappearing in the sleigh.

In Europe, Kisshu flew past Big Ben and the Eiffel Tower. In Venice, Italy, he was delivering presents to an apartment building. Jingle was organizing the packages for him. "These are for 3B. Those are for 3A. That lump of coal is for the resident of 2F. This goes to 2C, and…" One of the boxes rolled off of the roof and fell with a splash into one of the canals that the city used for streets. "Oops," the elf murmured, blushing.

* * *

Meanwhile, back in Japan, Ryou was staring at a computer screen. "Why now? It's Christmas! Those aliens have no manners…" he moaned. "I'll have to call in the girls on a holiday."

* * *

Ryou got the expected groans and complaints from everyone except Pudding. "I will kill those aliens, na-no-da! I will do to them what they did to Santa Claus!" was her reply. Ryou was confused, but decided not to ask.

"Everyone, there is a Chimera Anima on the loose," he explained. "Destroy it before it destroys Christmas."

"It's already ruined _our_ Christmas," Mint remarked.

Then, with flashing lights and shouts of "METAMORPHOSIS!", the Mew Mews were off to save Christmas.

You see, the Chimera Anima that Kisshu had created and forgotten had become rather bored. The Chimera Dog smashed a hole in the wall of the house in which he had been contained and began to sniff around on the street for something to do. He really wasn't trying to ruin anyone's Christmas at all.

"Ribbon! PUDDINGRING INFERNO!" The Chimera Dog was encased in a blob of gross-looking, purplish-brown pudding. Mew Pudding landed with a cute pose and said, "I only get to use figgy pudding on Christmas, na-no-da."

Ichigo attacked next. "Ribbon! STRAWBERRY SURPRISE!" The Chimera Anima dissolved in a rainbow of sparks. "That was too easy," Ichigo observed.

"Maybe it was a Christmas present," Mint commented sarcastically.

The Mews returned to their homes.

* * *

Santa's sleigh returned to Tokyo. When Jingle wasn't looking, Kisshu took out the spirit of the Canadian moose hunter and slipped it into Santa's body. 'Santa' sat up. "Where am I?" he asked.

"Santa! You're alive!" Jingle shouted happily, giving the fat old man a hug.

"Santa? I'm not Santa," mumbled the man in the red suit.

Jingle clicked his tongue. "You must have gotten hit on head awfully hard to have amnesia that badly." Jingle turned to Kisshu, who was now outside of the sleigh, hovering next to it. "Well, you kept your promise," the elf said as he took of the reindeer's reins. "What do you want as a reward?"

Kisshu didn't even have to think about it. "Ichigo," he answered.

"That's all?" Jingle dug into his pocket and tossed something to Kisshu. "Merry Christmas!" the elf cheered, slapping the reins. The sleigh took off into the sky, flying towards one of the magical portals. This one would transport it back to the North Pole.

Kisshu looked at the object in his hand. It was a strawberry. "Curse the Japanese language!" he hissed. "What kinds of parents name their daughter after a strawberry anyway? D*mn it!" He began to yell after the sleigh. "Hey! This isn't what I meant! This is not what I wanted!" But it was too late. The annoying sound of jingling bells had ceased. The sleigh had vanished.

Kisshu growled and squished the berry between his teeth. As he chewed, he took out Santa's spirit. After swallowing, he looked at the white crystal and smirked. "Well, at least I still have this."

* * *

When Ichigo arrived home from fighting the Chimera Anima, she looked at the gifts under the tree. The redhead glanced at the clock. It was six a.m. "It's technically Christmas morning…" she muttered. With a grin, Ichigo Momomiya rushed to the tree and began to open her presents. The first thing she opened was a CD. The next was a new set of hair ribbons. She was about to open her third gift.

Smiling, she tore off the paper and removed the lid from the box. She balked at its contents, pulling out a red piece of lingerie with fluffy, white accents. Her jaw dropped open and she dropped the garment (if it could be called that) back into the box. Shuffling the torn wrapping paper, she searched for the gift tag. When she found it, Ichigo read whom this particular present was from. The redhead began to sputter in shock, anger and embarrassment. "K- K- K… KISSHU!"

-The End-

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**Author: Thanks to ddruryitol (I'm not allowed to put the ".com" onto your username due to site restrictions) for your review. This story was intended for fun, and I'm glad that you thought it was. ****Thanks also to Soccer-Geek and in-blo0m as well. The dog becoming a Chimera just had to be done, so I'm glad that you enjoyed it. And, as always, thanks to SonicXMinagirl for her constant support. And you guessed his gift for Ichigo spot-on. ;) Well done. And it was your first guess too. 0_o**


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